As I reflect I can’t help but think about my daughters and how quickly time has flown by. It really seems like yesterday they were babies and we were living in Auckland in an old defence force flat. If I had learnt anything from my parents and grandparents as a young 23 year old mother is that food, shelter and clothing were necessities - economics 101 really. Money was tight so our necessities were simple.
The defence force flat was awesome … a little ‘tired’ on the outside but it was solid and homely on the inside. 3 bedrooms, one bathroom with gas heating and cooking for approximately $70 per fortnight was even better. You couldn’t rent anywhere in Devonport OR Hamilton for that price and it was a god send for a young family trying to get ahead.
Our furniture - an old lounge suite handed down to us from my cousin, an old cardboard box covered in a sheet for a coffee table, our TV was 14 inches which sat on an old wooden desk and we had a four seater iron dining suite (which I thought was the coolest thing ever!!!).
Food was always in the cupboards and growing up in a household where home made meals were essential, I was thankful for my mother and grandparents for teaching me at a young age how to cook a meal using what you had. Price became more important than brands and I learnt the art of buying food that was on special every week to keep the bills down. This in turn meant I had to create a weekly menu with the food that was on special. Watties tomato sauce was a luxury … because it was never on special.
Milk formula was expensive, so I was determined to breast feed the girls for as long as I could. They were 6 months before I had to submit to the reality that I couldn’t produce enough milk. Still, I was impressed with how long I could go for. I had read that goats milk was the next best thing for babies but because we couldn’t afford the real stuff, I was thankful a goats milk baby formula came out on the market. It was a little more expensive than cows milk formula but we bit the bullet for the health benefit for our babies.
The girls always shared their bed. First a bassinet, then a cot and from there they moved onto a single bed where they topped and tailed. When they were old enough, they had their own beds, but they still chose to sleep together. They even shared an old pram.
The girls never had any issues with clothing. Being twins they were and still are special for all their whanau so as babies they never went without. In saying this, we couldn’t afford disposable nappies so we used cloth nappies which meant a very strict cleaning clothes regime. We did have a dryer but it was a luxury, because power cost money … Some days I felt unmotivated, but if it wasn’t done .. the girls didn’t have any clean nappies and their was no way my babies were going to go without. Buying clothes for myself or for Gig was also a luxury, which didn’t happen very often because all our money went on paying the necessary bills, into savings and anything left went on the girls. It didn’t seem to bother us until one day we both went away on an inter service basketball tournament and I realised my husband was wearing his favourite holy jersey. When we got home, we went shopping for a new jersey.
Reflecting, me and my tiny family were living with some challenges back then but at the same time it was extremely fulfilling. Although Gig and I had already learnt the lesson of independancy, as young parents we learnt the importance of dependency, responsibility and sacrifice. I felt a greater appreciation for my parents and the sacrifices they made to give me opportunities. Sacrifices others translated as having “spoilt children”. I discovered different loves I didn’t know I would have. For example, I loved cooking with fresh herbs, but buying them from the supermarket was expensive. Solution? I planted a herb garden with a planter Gig gave me one day to place in a window at our defence force flat. Basil, thyme, parsley, rosemary, oregano and sage were consistently available to transform a bland dish to something wonderful and my herb garden has followed me to all homes I’ve lived in. I later learnt, that the choices we made earlier, paid dividends later on in our life.
20 years on and we have achieved some pretty awesome things as individuals and as a whanau. Of course not without it’s challenges. With both girls having a go at moving out of home in 2015, the biggest challenge of all was Gig and I learning how to adapt.
They are both furthering their education … a phrase that always sounded strange to me. An “education” is always interpreted as getting a qualification at university or something similar, although I find living life is the greatest education an individual will ever receive. In saying that, the reality is that a better education equals better job opportunities. Better job opportunities equals better life opportunities. The girls just need to find something they enjoy doing.
The biggest challenge right now for the girls is learning about managing money effectively and being independent Somehow they haven't quite mastered that balance yet but I have faith that they will. I believe Gig and I have provided them with as many opportunities as we could as they grew up to be the woman they are today and we will continue to do so for as long as we are able. When they reached their teenage years I always told them that only they are responsible for their own future - no one else. Through their own choices, they will determine the direction they want to head in. As their parents we will continue to support them through life, but only they can set their own destiny. Always remembering to LIVE life by doing what their heart desires, LOVE life by enjoying everything they do and LEARN from life through all the experiences they choose to have.
2016 will see the girls turn 21 years - an important milestone for them and I am extremely optimistic at what that might look like, along with what the next 12 months will provide for us as a whanau.
Happy living peeps!
